The Cost of Being Pain-Free

First, I was always in some degree of pain even with the Methadone howbeit far less than what I am enduring now. Chess is my favorite game. While on large doses (for me anyway) my game suffered. I couldn't win with the exception against people whom were beginners -even then I would lose. Now that I am more clear-headed, I am beating beginners and sometimes pulling of wins against superior players. All directly attributable to the lack of quantities of Meth. in my body. It's a trade-off: sobriety for thinking. Another way to look at it, pain for clear, accurate thought. It's a hard choice to be made. I value my mind and sure-footed wit over the intoxifying affects of Methadone. My life is in a state of flux at this very moment. What do I do? What are my options? I have two options: healthy ones and deadly ones. Stick to what I am going through now with even more prayer (tell more people what I am going through), or, suicide. The latter choice is not a serious one but is still a choice at any rate. Suicide gives me a breather. If that makes any sense. Soon I will be out of the woods so to speak and suicide will have been a fleeting fancy. If I choose life, I will live and grow old in pain. Don't worry whomever you are I will be fine. Please pray for me.