Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Another night

Well, I had a picture of little 'ol me but in my ineptness couldn't figure out how to write and keep the pic at the same time. It is 11:48p.m.. I'm at 15mg.; it is going fairly well. I am fairly comfortable. Once again music is very important. I couldn't survive without it. To all my cohorts out there that are suffering, exercise definately helps! I'm a fine one to preach as I haven't done much lately but when I have, I had felt better. We're not talking around the block here. Our endorphin receptors are too starved for any thing of that consequence; it has to be fairly physical to register in our brains to release adequate endorphins. My brain has been given abnormally high doses of pleasure poisons to my brain receptors and has spoiled them rotten. They are used to the "high" life and need a lot to be happy. Unfortunately, Methadone lodges itself in fat tissues in the body. When the brain is starved of the pleasure components to the brain, it starts to attack the fat tissues looking fo rthe drug stored there. This takes place after the drug has been substantially reduced and even after cessation. It is quite insidious. As far as I know, Heroin does not have this feature to it. I have heard of people whom were Heroin addicts placed on Methadone and tried to kick Methadone and couldn't so they went back to Heroin and found it easier to become clean from Heroin than from Methadone. This is not the rule of course. There are worse drugs to kick. Supossodedly Methamphetamines are a life long battle or so I have heard. Whether this is fact or not is purely conjecture. I am still at the point where I still "feel" the drug at 15mg. at 5mg. I fear I won't feel the drug. Let's face it, I like euphoria. Euphoria feels good. Pain sucks. My pain is rearing it's ugly head. Just another piece of hell that I have to endure. My chess game is improving depending on what time of day I play. Clearness of mind is refreshing. A BIG bonus to this otherwise horrible situation. Both of my business' are on hold right now until I feel a bit better. I am making too many mistakes right now. Too much on my plate. I miss sleep. Hopefully the Ambien will start in. For all of you who pray, please pray for me; I need it big time. I think it may be time for more Topamax. Drugs drugs drugs. "Without chemicals, life itself would be impossible." - Dow Corp. Good night. Eric