Guarded peace

It is now Monday morning. I didn't write yesterday as things were fairly under control. Yesterday was the first day of 10mg. dose down from 15mg. I had plenty of distractions yesterday as it was Easter. My family and I went out to eat. I did have a difficult time with things between 4-5 p.m. though. Right before my evening "rescue" dose of Darvocet and Klonipin. Most of the time these have a marginal affect on me but they did work well yesterday. Prayers are being answered. In all sincerity they are; I can feel that they are being answered. As I pray for others, they pray for me. It's 10:44a.m. I am going into a withdrawal. My body is very restless. constantly moving, muscles twitching. My mind is in an inexplicable hell. It wants to feel good. It misses euphoria. My synapses are squealing; bastards. Pain receptors are snapping in protest. They will get what they are looking for when I am ready to give them some, but for now, I am going to wait and let them suffer for a while. I refuse to let my life be ruled by pain receptors. If any parents of teen-agers or pre-teens, are ever going to read these blogs, maybe your kids should read them as well to avoid drug use in the future. It is now 11:00. I broke down and took my meds. This is still pretty late in the morning for me to take my meds. I don't feel good. I can't die, but yet I don't want to live. I think that it is time for some music and wait. Yesterday gave me some hope. Yes, some bona fide hope. Maybe it was just Easter: maybe it is as eternal as Easter. Amen.