feeling good and methadone free

I am updating my progress since my last entry (May 14?). Things are going much better now that I can think clearly. There are no issues of cravings. I am still free. The tiger has been tamed. No more Methadone since my last entry and I don't want to go back. Once again, I would like to thank all of you who were pulling for me; you made a difference. To anonymous: thank you for your interest in my progress. It has been nearly three months of being free. Life is good.

FREE AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After 8 days of hellish withdrawals from the total abstinence after my taper, I am now free from withdrawals! I made it! Done for good. Forever and ever amen. I am so happy for a loving God who delivers us from all maladies as He sees fit. At this point I want to publicly thank Jesus and the Holy Spirit whom without their constant closeness along with Jehova ( I am not a Jehova's Witness), I would not be writing this note of history in the life of Eric J. Moen. I owe a great prayerful debt to those who prayed for me when things looked bleak. Thank you Karlene, Sharon, Gregory, Scott and my Mom, et. al.. Thanks to all who were pulling for me. If anyone reads this testament of deliverance, let it be known that nothing in life is impossible. Honestly, the mornings gave me the most trouble. Approximately 4-6 hours of anguish at the worst points. I could have been easier on myself if I tapered over a much longer period of time. This isn't my style; perhaps I am masochistic. With Spring and Summer approaching, I wanted to be Methadone free for mental clarity as I knew that I was going to buy a motorcycle. I picked the shortest distance between two points. I say this to encourage other Methadone users to try to quit at a more leisurely pace. At a much more moderate taper, withdrawals can even be averted. The dragon has been slayed. I feel free at last!
eric_moen@msn.com

Eric's flipped out Methadone banter: Methadone: Dangerous trap

Eric's flipped out Methadone banter: Methadone: Dangerous trap

Eric's flipped out Methadone banter: Hellish morning

Eric's flipped out Methadone banter: Hellish morning

Methadone: Dangerous trap

This blog is for all of you who are advocates for Methadone clinics and Methadone use in use for chronic pain: wake up. I suffer from an herniated disk in my lower back which affects my left leg and upper mid back. The pain can be exquisite. I was on Darvocet 2-3/day before I was slapped into a Methadone due to my drug seeking behaviour for a drug that actually worked just fine. I wasn't in the clinic long enough to get too hooked on Meth. I wanted out. I didn't want to go 6 days a week for my "fix"; it was bullshit in every sense of the word. I entered a pain clinic which prescribed me 45mg./day Methadone. I was on this level for a couple of years in the form of a month's supply prescription at a time. I had a life once more. I am now as always still taking 2 Darvocet for break through pain. This arrangement is going fine. I am no longer taking Methadone. It has been 6 days since I went off of Meth. It is not easy. Even after a 6 week taper, my body convulses for want of the "wonder drug." Meth. attaches itself to fat tissues in your body and has a long half-life. I am now being tortured through withdrawals. If this was a true natural opiate, I would be fine by now. After 5 days of staying off of Methadone, I called a staff nurse to ascertain how long it would be before the un-pleasant side affects would continue and the answer was 2 more weeks. 2 weeks of presumed hell. For all of you who are addicted to Methadone, please consider getting off of it. It's very possible. And think about your desire to see further prescribing Methadone. If you are thinking clearly enough and want to try to escape the ties that bind, I will be praying for you (yes, prayer works). If you must advocate Methadone, abide by ethical treatment of the patient. The Hypocratic oath: Do no harm. eric_moen@msn.com

An Evil Taskmaster

After a terrible past several days, I am feeling a bit better. I haven't caved in to the Methadone. I have gone through some horrific withdrawals the past three days. Today was a good day. I rode my motorcycle on a small road trip. Being on the open road on a cycle is quite liberating. What else can I say? I went without my Klonipin for one day; no big deal. The doctor was gone for the past several days which caused a lapse in my Rx. I could just as well get rid of the Klonipin altogether as it is not doing much for me anyhow. I got an answer from my pain clinic as to how long I can expect to be un-comfortable from the lack of Methadone: two weeks. Judging from the past withdrawals, this will be an eternity. Let's just hope that today remains calm. Goodbye stranger, it's been nice. eric_moen@msn.com

Hellish morning

I awoke at 2:20 a.m. today facing crippling withdrawals. My legs could not rest. The muscles in my back were in total rebellion. My body was awash in agony. It was no less than torture. I wish that I felt good. I had to take both of my Darvocets this morning at 5:00 just to get through this trying time. I do not want to go into the hospital. I want to kick this on my own. I will not have Darvocet in the future to bail me out. This was by far the worst withdrawal that I have been through. It was merciless. I hope that this was the Methadone's last ditch effort to make me succumb to its intoxicating effects. I can only hope. I do not want to go through this morning again. May God deem this suffice. My music helps but not this morning. Vistaril has not helped except to make me sleepy. Akin to being buried alive. I hope that all who read this gain some insight into Methadone. It is a very dirty chicken-shit drug and very dangerous as well. eric_moen@msn.com

Not so easy

It's Sunday May 6th. Last night was a rough one. Pain and withdrawals were the courses of the evening. This morning is going okay; not great, just okay. It is difficult for me to write at my keyboard as my legs are so restless. I took my concoction of meds (non-narcotic) last night to get through the misery of both mental anguish and physical torment. I have good days and bad. Yesterday was bad. Today is starting out bad. I need prayer. I need to pray for myself I guess. I normally do not do such things as I consider it to be bad. I am not in the writing mood now. I will keep it short today. I will survive this; it is only a question of time. I have time. eric_moen@msn.com

Free at last!!!!

I made it through my first day off of Methadone with flying colors. Felt pretty comfortable all day with but a very brief moment or two that I thought that I should have had some, but fortunately They were very brief and posed no real threat. It is 2:55 a.m. Saturday morning and am ready to call my day a day. I am very sleepy now. My first clean day was a success. Praise Jesus that I have been doing so well. Thank you to all have prayed for me or kept me in their thoughts.

1st day of new life

It's 10:00a.m. Friday. No Methadone. My first clean day from Methadone, Feeling pretty good right now. Prayers are being answered. Thank you Karlene for your prayers, they have gotten me through this ordeal. So far, no cravings. It is a small miracle that I do not have withdrawals now. Praise the Lord Jesus! eric_moen@msn.com.

Tomorrow's the day

It is 20:12 Thursday May 3rd. This was the last day for my Methadone. Tomorrow I fly solo. 0mg. This morning was not particularly straining as I held off of taking my dose later in the morning to see how much I might suffer tomorrow. I try not to think too much about the next day. I figure the less I ruminate about it the better; it's merely a fact of life that I will not be taking Methadone anymore. My nurse practitioner re-prescribed me 60 Vistaril (anti-histamine) to combat any further uncomfortable withdrawals. I guess that I may be sleeping a lot. I am blessed by the fact that I am a free-lance photographer. I can take time off to get straight. With this being said, I am going to retire to relaxation for the rest of the evening with sugar and music. Possibly some chess tonight at an all night coffee shop hang-out. Good night and God bless. Please e-mail at eric_moen@msn.com I could use someone to talk to.

Eric's flipped out Methadone banter: 3 days and counting

Eric's flipped out Methadone banter: 3 days and counting

3 days and counting

It's Tuesday 7:50a.m.. I still have withdrawals. Even after being on 2.5mg. for so long. Life is most assuredely not pleasant at times. I made my bed, now I must lie in it. My favorite quote that has been stated earlier in my blogs: "Newborn eyes always cry with pain; first look at the morning sun." - Chris Rhea. I hope I grow up quickly. The up-shot of all of this pain is that my chess game is improving greatly. I just wish that I felt better in the mornings. If anyone wishes to contact me, my web address is eric_moen@msn.com . Bye for now.

Motorcycle diversion

It is now early Monday morning (1:59). I don't know if I took my Methadone or not this morning (Sunday); this is good. I am no longer obsessing about it. Hopefully I did not. Today (Sunday) I went for a long excursion on my newly acquired motorcycle. If I haven't mentioned it yet, I will tell you that is a 750 Yamaha Maxim 1982. Yup it's 25 years old. It runs very good and doesn't drip things on the garage floor. My highway ride took my mind off of all my problems. Very relaxing. Some guys fly airplanes, I fly my motorcycle. Maybe next year I'll up-grade to a Harley Sportster. This year I went from a puny 49cc scooter right into a 750cc. At first it was difficult riding in the city on such a heavy bike. But now I have mastered riding it. Whenever I get too stressed out, I go for a ride. I am still in a holding pattern regarding my Meth use. In a few short days, I will be off of it; with a lot of strength from God. Well, goodnight for now. - Eric

Eric's flipped out Methadone banter: Rough around the edges

Eric's flipped out Methadone banter: Rough around the edges

Rough around the edges

Today is Saturday morning. Early Saturday morning. I feel apprehensive and uneasy. I also feel like I have a low grade case of the flu. It has been an hour and a half since I awoke. I haven't taken any of my Methadone yet in preparation for the up-coming day of no Methadone. It may be uncomfortable for a while, but I'll get through it. Six days and counting down to 0mg. Today is not starting out on a good note. I need to drive later this morning so Vistaral is not being considered. I am listening to music which aids greatly. By for now.

Feeling good (praise Jesus!)

It has been a few days since I have wrote anything; this is good. No news is good news so-to-speak. I am still on 2.5mg. of Methadone down from 35mg. and doing well. I am not quite so apprehensive about 0mg. as I once had been. I know that it will be tough for the first day, but hopefully it will only bother me for no more than 2 days. I am at peace for the first time since I started this taper. At this point, I can dare say that I am out of the woods. I will be in a holding pattern at 2.5mg. for about a week. This should be enough to get me to 0mg. (too long?). At this juncture, I want to publicly thank all of the people that have been holding me up in prayer and also positive energy. Thank you all. I am still taking Darvocet. 2 tabs of N100/day for pain. This too is slated for the wrecking ball. I am not as enthused about this taper though. This is not my decision. It is the decision of a fill-in nurse practitioner. I will need to speak to my regular CNP to get his final thoughts. This is in itself a good reason to give up the Darvocet as well. If I have to fight with other CNP's about my meds (there is no collusion between CNP's), relying on one CNP for my pain relievers, and then facing another with differing philosophy regarding opiod pain management is just too distressing. I am critical of my clinic in this regard. There is no Dr. regulating the dispseral or lack thereof of pain narcotics. I want to be in charge of my future not any rogue CNP with an opposing viewpoint. Which brings me to the reason why I am in the position that I am in now. I have suffered two car crashes which damaged my back. I also have rheumtoid arthritis. Pain is part of my life. I'll talk about pain in another up-coming blog. Ciao.

A rage from within

I want the shit beat out of me. I want to be thrown up against the walls. I want to be battered and bruised. I want my muscles to feel what their putting me through. Today is the first day of 2.5mg. of Methadone. I don't know what to do. Diverting my attention by writing is helping me marginally. I think I will attach my saddle bags on my motorcycle. Perhaps go for a ride. Thank God for Vistaril! It's not the end all of all end alls, but it calms my nerves somewhat. I still feel terrible though. Not a total miracle drug. Well readers, this is it for now. L'chiam.